Slurpees and Big Gulps

As I was about to leave at 4:30, a young attractive colleague asked me if I had ever heard (SLUUUURRRP) in my classroom. She had inhaled and sucked her tongue.

Mostly this week I heard a lot of insulting,whining, and complaining. And passing of gas. The sixth graders all seemed to be suffering from flatulence on Thursday. One boy let  go of a might blast during Corrective Reading, causing our circle to become a large polygon.

“Yeah, I guess so.” A cold and cough was making the rounds. I still have it. I probably had heard some slurps.

She told me ” Well 6th grader X is at home getting beaten by his mom for doing that?”

“Uh…getting a beating for (slurp)?” Sixth grade student X is nearly as tall as me and weighs about 200 pounds.

The attractive young teacher had to explain to me that the students were creating the sounds of oral sex, then made a hasty retreat.


April 17, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.


Yesterday was a blur. During fourth grade reading, I had a disruptive student loudly announce she hated herself and was going to kill herself after I had sent her the “break area” of my room.  At the same time another student was in tears and his face was red and swollen because I wouldn’t let him go by himself to talk to the music teacher, another kid was rolling on the floor laughing, a third grade special ed. student had suddenly appeared because there was no one to monitor him elsewhere, and two “consult” students had arrived to take a test in a “separate, quiet setting” other than their homerooms.

It was at that moment the school principal entered and asked, “How is it going?”

April 17, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.


Our school has a large classroom called the library, but no librarian or library budget.  Last week I naively suggested a parent take her child to the public library when she spoke about buying more reading materials. “Oh, I can’t do that” she said. “It’s too dangerous.”

April 17, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

Blue Monday

I started out this week arriving 8 minutes late to work ( thanks  American Recovery and Reinvestment Act!) and was told there was a parent who waiting to see me upstairs. I thought, “What’s gone wrong now?” but it was merely a late report card pick up. While I was meeting with her, I noticed several incomplete  homework assignments in the meeting room’s garbage can. I had given them to another parent the week before to have her son complete them.

April 17, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

Guilt and Shame

I’m lucky to still be employed and enjoying Spring Break after the latest incident at work.

A school is considered to be failing if its students don’t progress a little bit each year towards the norm on standardized tests. In a few years every child is expected to be above average.

Due to a communication breakdown, I did not give the final hour of a test to two Section 504 4th grade students who were entitled to extra time. I had been scheduled to give all three sections of their 4th grade math test, but thanks to a student who was absent 2 days and another who had been tardy then disruptive, my supervisor took over with the 4th graders while I redid other tests. After the make up tests for my special education students had been completed, my supervisor told me that “tomorrow we’re going back to the regular class schedule.” The next day I had classes as usual.

A week later my supervisor came to my classroom door and asked “why didn’t you give the last math test?” I looked at my calendar and saw I had penciled in one last test with the 4th graders, but assumed that it had already been administered since I had been told that day was a regular school day. I offered to do it during my prep, but my supervisor wanted to check with the powers that be to see if they still could be tested. It was of course too late.

So now it seems my school probably won’t make adequate yearly progress, thanks to my negligence causing two students each getting 0 on a third of their math tests. The school will be one that is “failing.”

A teacher applicant for next July is scheduled to come in and teach a sample lesson next week.

March 29, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

Love the argyle vest…

It was nerd day yesterday at work. {Insert your own self-effacing fashion joke here.}

March 27, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

I should teach my students how to cheat correctly

After dismissing my 4th and 5th grade reading students, I noticed that one of them left his paper on one of the tables. Next to it was my teacher’s manual. After closer examination I saw that he had copied answers from the book.  Unfortunately  he had omitted key words from the copied short responses, so he still had more incorrect answers than correct ones.

March 24, 2010. 1. 1 comment.

My Mama Says…

Yesterday one of my female fourth grade students excused her verbally threatening another girl by explaining her mother has instructed her not to let anyone mess with her. She then added the familiar statement, “My momma says that if anyone messes with me, hit’em.” I wish I had a personal business day for every time I heard that old chestnut. I wouldn’t have to go back to work until Hillary or Sarah is president.

March 24, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

5th grade observation

A female fifth grader strode into my classroom early and announced “It smells like old people in heah!”

March 20, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

6th Grade Fashion Tips

My four sixth grade students are alarmed by my worn black tennis shoes, dark blue or tan pants and blue oxford cloth shirt that comprise my school uniform. They have complained that “the eighth graders said you look like a blueberry.” Suggestions for a more appropriate wardrobe include:

1. Levis Skinny Jeans

2. A brightly colored suit and tie

3.”Jordan’s Shoes”

4. “One’s Shoes” (I don’t know what they are)

and 5. “A hat with a feather in it.”

March 20, 2010. 1. Leave a comment.

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